family

I got back from a kayaking trip today, but we were supposed to stay a few more days. My grumpy brothers wanted to leave early though. It was raining and apparently Billy seriously hates the rain. Which I went my whole life without knowing...
Anyway I guess this whole trip just made me realize what a lucky girl I am. I've been blessed with a truly great family. My brothers may -look- a little rough around the edges, but they have the biggest hearts around.
While we were getting through a particularly tricky log jam on the river Billy was trying to help me get my kayak up and over the logs, but he fell in. I could have easily gotten out to do it myself and fallen in, but he wanted me to be safe. It's a scary thing to fall in when you're on a log jam because the water is fast and the logs are tight together, but they roll if you try to get up on them. The ones on the Two Hearted River weren't dangerous like most others can be, they're just a little frightening. Basically, I could have done this myself and gotten a little scared. Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal, but Billy didn't want me to have to be the least bit frightened and for some reason it just made a really big impression on me.
It was that moment that I realized that yes, he's my brother, but he doesn't have to care about me. Caring about someone isn't automatic. Just because we're family doesn't mean we have to like eachother. All a family really is is a bunch of people put together because they have the same genes. It takes effort to make them close, to get the bond that a -true- family really needs.
I LOVE my family. More than I could ever explain.

Actually. Nix a part of that. I love most of my family. You see, I've got a few different places where it just doesn't work out. And I know that I should probably love everyone, but obviously that is not the case. Take for instance, my step dad. He is probably the worst person I know. I'm not kidding and I won't go into detail, but he does not deserve my love OR my respect. He never will.
There are certain times when people are forced together. He may be my step dad, but the only feeling that I have for him is contempt. People don't care about eachother automatically. There might have been a time when my step dad was a decent person, but I really can't imagine when that could have been... Because for some reason it just seems like some people were just made to make life difficult and that's all my step dad has ever been.


My point is that I'm glad that there are some good people out there and that I'm lucky to have a few in my very own family.