regretting...

Have you ever regretted something so much that it was all you thought about?

You relive every moment of your mistake out as slowly as possible, just so you know exactly where it went wrong. You concentrate on exactly when you would stop time and tell yourself what NOT to do. Every minute that you spend thinking about it, eats you up more and more. And vainly, you wish that you could turn back time and change the whole thing.

Sometimes I wish that what had happened was WORSE so that I deserved to feel this way about it. So that I could feel better about myself for feeling so ridiculously useless and distraught.

As soon as I saw my moment coming I felt so much terror because of what it was, but really I just felt so... dumb. How could I possibly let something like this happen to me again? How could I not have seen everything? I have no idea what could have been so important to me at the time so that I didn't even notice what was going on. Such a major event and I completely missed it until the very last possible moment. The part where instead of it possibly being a close call, it turned into a reality. Was I REALLY this careless? This stupid? Yes.

I regret so many things. And for just one moment I wish that I could take everything back.



I wonder where I would be now...