a phone call.

i have realized a few things.

i am not in fremont anymore. people don't know me here. do i want them to?
who knows.

there are parts of my life that are just -done-
i don't have some of the important relationships that i once had. they're gone. our connections aren't as strong. and it's just done.
i'm done being in high school.
i'm done feeling secure in my present. for the next few years. i'm destined to feel unsure and i'm meant to worry about homework, exams and all sorts of other things that weren't an issue before.

it's weird to realize how used to things people get. how quickly we adapt.
i cried for days about going to college. days. i worried myself sick. but when i got here, i didn't cry. strangely enough i really didn't...
but somewhere along the line i got used to going to strange classes. listening to strange people. studying twice as much as normal.
i got used to depending on my roommate. she's a huge part of my life. she's fun. and she's one of the very best friends i've got here. i have no idea what i'd do if i didn't have her. i really don't.

this whole thing is weird. and disconcerting.
people are jumping in feet first. and i really should. but i feel that for right now. this very moment, it's alright for me to mourn the things i've lost. because i'm sure that people aren't even aware that it's been lost.
anyhow. i know no one will read this. but good bye comfortable friendship. it was wonderful while it existed. i'll miss you.